Summer's Coming to an End...

Summer's over, pretty much. Eventhough, over here there isn't much of a change in temperature but you still feel a change of season. At least I do. Fall has always been my favorite season. It's always been my "settling down" season. By "settling down," I mean that things settle down for me and I settle back into a routine again. Summer is my "free spirited" season. So by the time Fall comes around, I am ready to settle down. This Summer has been pretty busy for me and I am definitely in wind down mode. Things are quieting down for me and that's a good thing. It's given me some time to reflect on what I learned over this summer. This is a rundown of what I have learned...

-You have to close some doors to open others.
-Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
-Drama is way overrated and draining.
-Realizing that eventhough I have been officially "single" for quite awhile, I have never been alone.
-Men have feelings too and they don't always like to be treated like a "piece of meat."
-There aren't any answers at the bottom of any bottle just more problems.
-Sometimes it is all about timing.
-I have a great network of people in my life ; -)

Well, that's enough of my babbling for the moment. As always....

Love and kisses,
Rosebud

Here's your explanation...

Heather...this is for you ; - )
I have been doing some repacking in my life recently. I have come to terms that I have a lot of emotional baggage. Therefore, I have decided to condense my baggage to a carry-on. I know this is a bunch of analogy crap and if you don't get it, then you don't.
For each extra baggage I have, I tag it with a label. My tags are the lyrics and poems that define what's in that particular baggage. Then I get rid of it metaphorically. My load is getting lighter and I am almost down to the carry-on. But realistically, I doubt that I will ever get to the point of just having a carry-on. Does anybody? I think I would be happy with a carry-on and 1 check-in bag ; - )
So it's been pretty therapeutic even if it sounds a little crazy!! They do say crazy people are happy people, right?!
I hope that this is a better explanation. I am just trying to learn to travel light in life ; - )

Nostalgia...

For the few readers of my blog, I need to explain my recent posts. No, there is nothing that is going on with me. I know my choice of lyrics and poems are a little strange but there is some reason to my madness ; - ) I have been a little nostalgic as of late. I noticed that my most vivid memories of an event, situation, or person are tied to certain songs and poems. So most of the recent posts are dedicated to some of these memories that have been coming to mind.
Just in case anyone thought that I might be going through something, no worries ; - ) Everything is still good in the 'hood ; - )

Love and Kisses,
Rosebud

She's Gone

My woman is gone (woman is gone), my woman is gone (woman is gone).
She had left me a note hanging on my door:
She say she couldn't take it, she couldn't take any more.
The pressure around me - just couldn't see;
She felt like a prisoner who needs to be free.
Fools have tried, yeah - wisemen have failed:Oh, listen to me, honey: life could never be another jail.
Still we know now: we'll never see smoke without fire
And everyone you see has a heart desire.
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone),she's gone (she's gone), she's gone, ye-ah!
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,Words that I never heard?She made it through the exit (she just couldn't take it);
She made it through the exit (she just couldn't make it).
And, oh, my children, if you see me cryin':My woman is gone.
If you see me - if you see me - if you see me -if you see me cryin' -If you see me - if you see me - if you see me -if you see me cryin':
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone), she's gone, ye-ah!
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone), she's gone(she's gone)

Bob Marley

Hanging By a Moment

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where i Started
Chasing after you
i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
forgetting all i'm lacking
completely incomplete
i'll take your invitation
you take all of me
now.. i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
i'm living for the only thing i know
i'm running and not quite sure where to go
i don't know what i'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you
there's nothing else to lose
nothing left to find
there's nothing in the world
that could change my mind
there is nothing else
there is nothing else...
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where i Started
Chasing after you
i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
i'm living for the only thing i know
i'm running and not quite sure where to go
i don't know what i'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

Lifehouse

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor know what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)

Let Me Go

LET ME GO

one more kiss could be the best thing one more lie could be the worst
and all these thoughts are never resting and you're not something i deserve
in my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world, there's real and make believe
this seems real to me
you love me, but you dont know who i am
i'm torn between this life i lead
and where i stand
you love me, but you don't know who i am
so let me go
let me go
i dream we head to what i hope for
and i turn my back on loving you
how could this love be a good thing
when i know what i'm going through
in my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world, there's real and make believe
this seems real to me
you love me, but you dont know who i am
i'm torn between this life i lead
and where i stand
you love me, but you dont know who i am
so let me go, just let me go
no matter how hard i try
i cant escape these things inside
i know, i know
but all the pieces fall apart
you will be the only one who knows
who knows
you love me, but you dont know who i am
i'm torn between this life i lead
and where i stand, you love me, but you don't know who i am
so let me go
just let me go

3 Doors Down

My Passion for People....

I know I usually write all about me in my blog and why not? The blog is pretty much all about me. However, as most of you that really know me know that one of my greatest passions is observing other people. People never cease to amaze me. Choices that people make, the way they react to situations, their personal history, what makes them tick, etc.
I think of all the people in my life and first it amazes me how many different types of people I know and second how I get along with so many different types of people. Maybe because, people intrigue me and if anything that peaks my interest it's intrigue. I am not sure if "intrigue" can be used as a noun but I am going to use it as one anyway.
I mean I love people watching. It should be really named as a sport as much as other people do it. I think the best spot for people watching is at a local bar on a weekend around 11 PM when you're sober and everybody else for the most part are not. Now, that's what I call entertainment. You get to see firsthand all the different facets of the human condition unfold right before your eyes and you didn't even have to pay extra for the show ; - ) Most of us have been an audience to this show or even sometimes participants. However, I have to say being a participant is not as much fun as being part of the audience.
I am bringing all this "other people" stuff up because lately I have taken a step back from being a participant to being more part of the audience. Let me tell you, it's been quite refreshing on this end of the spectrum and a whole lot less stressful!
However, all in all, I do love the people in my life. There is definitely never a dull moment ; - )

Love and kisses,
Rosebud

Easy as Life....

No, no, no, no
Nothing is easy
All I have to do
Is forget how much I love him
All I have to do
Is put my longing to one side
Tell myself that love’s an ever changing situation
Passion would have cooled, and all the magic would have died
It’s easy as life
I try to forget how much I want him here
let my tears slowly disappear
I cannot forget that my emotions die
Oh I don’t even want to try
Nothing in life is ever easy
Nothing in love will ever run true
My heart will never stop believing
I still believe in what love can do
All I have to do
Is pretend I never knew you
On those very rare occasions
When you steal into my heart
Better to have lost you
When the ties were barely binding
Better the contempt
Of the familiar cannot stop
It’s easy as life
I try to forget how much I want him here
Then my dreams slowly disappear
I cannot forget that my emotions die
Oh I don’t even want to try
Nothing in life is ever easy
Nothing in love will ever run true
My heart will never stop believing
I still believe in what love can do
It hurts to think about you
When I want to touch you
And how we would have been
If you were here with me today
Those very rare occasions
They keep on coming
All I ever wanted I’m throwing it away
Nothing in life is ever easy
Nothing in love will ever run true
My heart will never stop believing
I still believe in what love can do

Deborah Cox

Having the Flu Sucks....

There is nothing good about being sick. Especially if it is the flu! I think the flu is God's way of trying to be funny. Well God, I'm not laughing!! I am glad that after two days of suffering through massive aches and pains that are worthy of a car accident, freezing in 90 degree weather one moment then sweating profusely the next moment, a sore nose from blowing it constantly, and of course the inflamed lungs and sore ribs from coughing so much, that I am conscious enough to write about my experience! Let us not forget that there is no cure for the flu so of course I have been heavily self medicating myself to the point of pretty heavy sedation. Good times!! I do not wish this on my worst enemy! Well, off to my next dose of medication.

Aloha,
Rosebud

All Byyy Myyyself....

I think everyone knows the lyrics to that song or at least that one line of the song. I had an interesting convo with a good friend of mine today. I was going down the list of everyone that has left me and will be leaving me in the next few months and how I will be by myself for a couple of months. Well, I will be living by myself for a couple of months. Now, I know this is not a big deal for most people my age because they have lived for longer stints by themselves and I did not think that it was a major deal myself. Until my friend prompted me with the question, "have you ever lived by yourself for any extended period of time?" I had to think for a moment on that one. Then came the realization that I haven't ever really lived alone for more than say 10 days, maybe 2 weeks at the most.
My friend suggested that I might need medication for the adjustment. I guess I never thought of it as being such a major adjustment. But it will be for the most part. It doesn't bother me that I will be alone, at least for now. I think of it as more of a vacation or something new to experience. And maybe this is what I need. Some true "alone" time.
Hmmm.....I guess I will see if I truly like myself or not ; - )

As Always,

Love and kisses,
Rosebud

My Shiny New Pink Cruiser....

Yes, everyone I have become a dorky simpleton and the funny thing about it is that I am happier now then I was about a year ago. If you would have asked me if I would be as excited as I am now over a pink, retro, cheesy beach cruiser, I would have looked at you like you had two heads. I would have thought you were even crazier if you would have told me that I would be actually riding one of them and be happy doing it! It all boils down to the fact that Hawaii has changed me and for the better!!
Maybe it's the people that I have met here, the paradise environment, the aloha lifestyle or maybe it's that I am finally realizing what's important in my life. It took 5,000 miles to distance myself enough to get back to who I was. I know that it doesn't make much sense but it totally makes sense to me. It took me going back to VB to realize that my past still had a slight hold on me and it took me coming back to Hawaii to realize that I was finally ready to sever that hold that my past had on me and finally move on with my future. Don't get me wrong, I am not slighting the people that I love and care about me back there. I am talking about the rest of the bullshit that I dealt with there. Who I was there is not the same person that I am today and thank god for that!!!
It's funny how such a small thing like a shiny new pink cruiser can invoke such a revelation but that's how life goes. If you can't enjoy the simple things, how can you enjoy the bigger and important things in life? I know that's a question that really doesn't have an answer so I don't expect an answer. I'd like to figure it out for myself and try to enjoy the process ; - )
Well, enough of my babbling for the day!!!

Mahalo,
Rosebud

Getting back my perspective....

Okay I am over my self pity party. It wasn't so much a self pity theme but more of a self reflection theme. I guess I just needed some downtime to reflect and get my perspective on things and life in general re-focused. It was much needed, I have to admit. I didn't get way off track this time so that's a good thing. However, I have realized that there are a few things in my life that I definitely have to revamp.
For one thing, my perspective on men. Yes, I must be softening in my old age but I am coming to terms that "all men are not created equal" and that they do have feelings also. Since I have been out here in Hawaii, I have met some really great guys that have taught me a lot. For this I am grateful. Each one of them has taught me something different about themselves and myself. The greatest thing I have learned so far is that I don't have to emotionally detach myself from all men. As long as its not the wrong ones!!!
Also my perspective on my social habits has changed a little. I am working on this whole "moderation" theory that everyone keeps talking about. I have done some improvement in that department and it's about time. I doubt it will ever get to "hermit" level and I don't even want to go there but a lot less drama would be nice. I give up the title of being the "epicenter" to anyone who wants it. I am retiring!!!
So all in all, my perspective is still going through some remodeling stages but things are looking good!!!
Well, enough of my babbling for the day.....

As always...

Love and kisses,
Rosebud