An Insomniac's Babbling

Alright, it's after midnight on a Friday and I can't sleep. No...it's not because I drank too much or I'm up to no good and having a good time doing it. Right at this moment though, they don't sound like bad excuses for being up past midnight on a Friday. Oh, the good ole days. How I miss them so! When the weekend started on a Thursday night and carried through to Sunday. Let's not forget happy/therapy hour Monday through Wednesday; )
Now I spend my weeknights and even most of my weekend nights at home trying to be studious and do the good girl routine. I know it sounds pretty pathetic and it pretty much is. I have been catching up on all the TV that I missed during my socially busy decade. I have to tell you...I didn't miss out on much but I have to say I see the cathartic experience that watching TV can bring to people. It's the whole "zoning" out thing. It's almost zen-like, especially when you are becoming one with the couch. LOL
I digress to my new homebody phase....It's not completely pathetic and maybe in a way a little therapeutic. In the past I have always been the one on the go, go, go. I always put a lot of stuff on my social plate and was never home, wherever that was for the month (during my nomadic 2 year existence). I literally lived out of my car. I easily clocked 75 to 100 miles on my car a day which was always in a 20 mile radius. I used to feel like I wasn't doing enough things and I was restless when I first came to Hawaii. Now, I don't have that feeling as much. I think the way laidback island lifestyle is starting to absorb and I'm okay with it. Remind me why I felt that I had to be so ambitious before and run around like a chicken with her head cut off? I am still trying to remember the reason(s) but its becoming more vague the more time I am here; )
I have to say that the change in me has been good. I am much calmer and peaceful now. I vaguely remember what major life drama is. I am more focused and more self aware. It was hard to find who I was under the fog of whatever poison I chose for that particular day. I am not walking around like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz without a heart anymore. It's refreshing in many ways to realize that underneath all my cynicism, pain, and distrust that there's a person that still believes in the good of people and love. And that my dear ones is priceless : )
I think I am done with my mushy, groggy blog for the evening and try to read some more. Hopefully, I will nod off soon or I might have to keep blogging about nonsensical emotional bullshit again ; )

Love and Kisses,
Rosebud